I ought to have written but failed to do so as I fail at so much I plan to do in life.
Sarah is very stressed now at what is about to happen and it is hard to watch and she is keeping us all at a distance, well me anyway. Poor kid. It is going to be a very long summer.
Have ordered some items to create a little Oratory in the corner of this room. I finally found some space to talk to J about this and she recognised that has been at the heart of my spirituality since the middle 70s. It feels a bit like coming out as gay. For just now it is a private journey in time God will lead me to where I must go. I know it is the agonising over the events at this last General Assembly that has finally led me back to where I ought to have been years ago.
A real question does arise - will it be a flash in the pan or the start of new life of adoration and praise? A new rule of life? We shall see.
I think, no make that definite I have been overspending as I try to deal with my black moods. Unhappy at all social contact just now be it with the Dr or my daughters and sometimes even my wife. I am at sixes and sevens inside and feel worse after contact than before. What is interesting is that during these last ten years of mental problems (ignoring the physical ones)is that my contact with God for want of a better word or perhaps should I say my spirituality has been unaffected. When I have doubted everyone else I have never doubted God was here beside me. I owe Him all.
Sarah is packing today and I am here on my tod as J helps her out.
Friday is going to be tear jerking.
5 comments:
Sometimes we forget just that - we do owe all to God. The earthly things we think of as our are all due to Him. We we go and we all will...we cannot take a bit of it with us. In your gratefullness maybe you'll find some cheer. You have some mighty wonderful loved ones there. Take care.
So pleased to hear about your Oratory, Stuart. You will have deep satisfaction from it,I am sure. Wish I was in the position to contribute a lovely icon. I think the whole point of what you are creating is that it's spontaneous and portable.
Sarah sounds to be what an old friend called `journey-proud'; I'm sure once she's off all will be well.
XXX
I am sure your Oratory will be a great comfort to you. I think you daughter will be just fine once she gets all her goodbyes said and she is on her way at last it is all the waiting that causes all the worry too much time to think. Hope it all goes well on Friday. Love Joan
Will be thinking of you on Friday m'dear.
Sara xxx
I do hope you can find some answers to your prayers Stuart ..love Jan xx
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